March 14, 2016

Spring break

Between the week off of work and the time change, we certainly did not want to get out of bed this morning. I had plenty of energy, surprisingly enough, it was the little one who was dragging his feet. I turned the bedroom light on and rubbed his back a little, and he looked at me so confused and said "Mama, can you turn the light off? I have one more sleep to do." He is so adorable, it kills me.

I think I was more tired at the end of last week than I was at the beginning. Having time off from work was nice, but we definitely kept very busy. Stuff to see and do every single day, lots of driving, lots of exploring, a good bit of walking.

It wasn't as much walking as I would have liked - when my sister came alone, we made time every day to go to the track or to the park. My brother used his pedometer, but I questioned its accuracy after a full day walking through the gardens yielded a smaller step count than a day at an outdoor mall.

I made mostly good food choices. The first few days were easy, when I was riding high on a few great choices, and we weren't super busy yet. I ate my meals at home, and when we went out, I ate as simply as possible - choosing salad at my favorite burger place is always such a victory for me.

But then my mom made homemade pizza, and even though I kept my calories low all day, my weight shot up. And then we got busier, and my family tends to eat a big breakfast and then not eat again until a big dinner (whereas I eat smaller meals but eat more frequently throughout the day). I still made better choices while out...

... but I wasn't drinking nearly as much water as I usually do, because we were out and about and not like when I am at work and can use the bathroom a dozen times a day.

So, weird food schedule, plus not enough water, plus not great sleep (staying up too late to spend time with my brother and sister, and then sleeping on an air mattress the floor of my son's room so my mom and her boyfriend could have my bed) ... plus the usual family nonsense (even on vacation, they couldn't stop arguing and bickering). And to top it off, we had temperatures in the mid/high 70s, and the air conditioning wasn't working in my apartment, so I sent them off one day to explore on their own while I stayed home and had a technician working on it for seven hours.

By the end of the week, I was feeling lousy, super bloated, and crabby. The scale was up insanely high - and as much as I love my family, I was ready to be back to my routines.

They left Friday night, and we spent the weekend just recovering. As soon as we said our goodbyes Friday, I went into the kitchen and purged the fridge and pantry.

Anything that I felt wasn't triggering, I packaged up in single servings and put in the freezer - the entire extra pizza my mom had made, for example, and some bacon and breakfast sausages. I threw out anything that I knew I would struggle with having around: a half-dozen boxes of leftovers, a jar of alfredo sauce, lunch meat and cheese from the deli. I felt bad throwing away something she'd spent good money on, but at the same time, I know I would not have been able to eat any of it in moderation. Lastly, I rounded up anything unopened (like a jar of mayonnaise and some pancake syrup - we didn't have a single breakfast or lunch at home all week, I don't think, but she felt compelled to buy this stuff) and returned it to the store. With the money I got from items I brought back, I got Noah five short-sleeve shirts, which he needed a lot more than we needed potato chips or butter.

A lot of my food guilt is brought on by money. When times are tough and money is tight, being able to feel full feels like everything is alright. That was my mom's issue before it was mine - she grew up very poor and always told us stories when we were kids about her own childhood, and having gravy on white bread for dinner some nights. So being able to feed us in excess is success to her.

It's not just with grocery shopping either, it's restaurants. I know we're going out to eat, I know she had to work hard to earn that money, so if I don't eat as much as I possibly can, I'm being wasteful.

I wish I could sit down with my Younger Self when she started thinking this way. You're not being wasteful, love. You're doing right by your body. Overeating now doesn't resolve the problems from your mother's childhood.

After two days back in my own bed, asleep early, well-hydrated, and fully on-plan, I'm less bloated and down nearly all of what the scale said I'd jumped back up. By my Friday weigh-in, it'll be all of it, for sure - especially since tomorrow I'm starting my work with the physical trainer class. I'm excited to see how that goes.

So, overall ... I enjoyed seeing my family, I love them very much - but again, it's nice to be back in my own healthy routines. I like eating to nourish my body and not in excess. It feels so nice to treat myself well and to respect my body. I like being active. I had a lot of good talks with my sister about our food issues, and about steps we can take to live our best possible lives. She's talking about making some big changes in her own life, including possibly moving down here with me - I would love that. She was my workout buddy in Chicago when she was in college and I was in grad school, but we always got too busy with school and let fitness fall by the wayside. One of my greatest regrets is that I got healthy and lost all my weight the year after she lived with me, and that I didn't do more to help us get on a healthier path while we were together. I would love to have the chance to fix that.


Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

So glad you seemed to have a good time with your family. Did your mom give you a lot of grief for wanting to do your own thing? My eldest sister started WW only 9 weeks ago and is down 30 pounds. She has been 250+ for almost 20 years, so I believe her body was so grateful to be eating real food it has been rewarding her week after week. I praise her and say those 9 weeks would have passed so quickly, but now she has a huge loss to show for it. SO happy for her.

Caron said...

Love that you've bounced right back after your family visit. We used to take LONG sales trips with my husband where we lived in motels, hung out in libraries and malls waiting for him and ate every meal out. Like you, I'd make good choices at first but as time wore on, things would slide.

My Weight Watcher leader talked a lot about the "art of recovery" in weight loss and that is what you are doing. Congrats on your progress. :)