February 26, 2016

Back at it

I am SO happy to say that I re-lost every ounce of the five pounds I regained last week, plus another half a pound. I'm proud of how I was able to get back on track after a lot of challenging days this month, and I'm excited to finish out February with another overall loss.

Despite a rough spot in the middle (Noah's daycare was closed Wednesday for impending bad weather that never arrived - I had exams scheduled for all my classes so I had to find a babysitter from 7:15 to 4:15), this was a much easier week. First, because that insane urge to eat everything under the sun was gone. Also, work slowed down again, thankfully, and I was able to catch up on some big projects. And: I stopped counting calories during the day. I'm still tracking what I eat, just not measuring/fixating on small differences.

I have a habit of slipping back into disordered eating patterns - fixating on numbers, binge eating and then restricting to "make up for it." I am eating generally the same things every day - yogurt for breakfast, Lean Cuisine for lunch, plus morning and afternoon snacks - there is no need to get anxious about 10-30 calorie differences between one day and the next. If I'm hungry, I eat - to satisfaction, not fullness. I was at the store feeling anxious because they didn't have any 240 calorie Lean Cuisines, only 270-320, and it made me realize I needed to stop and step back and reevaluate what I was setting myself up for.

Seeking balance has been the greatest challenge of my life the last few years. My transitions have been so extreme. Couch potato, then a gym rat. Super obese, then extremely active. Ate with reckless abandon, then found myself cutting pieces of broccoli in half to make sure it weighed only a certain amount for dinner. Trying to find peace between my extremes is my goal now - health all around, mental included.

My family gets here in one week, and I'm feeling less anxious already. I know I can enjoy an occasional treat without going overboard. And I know I can always find on-plan things to eat out, and if not, I am not going to starve to death if I wait until I get home to eat something. My family doesn't have to approve or agree with what I eat, and I'm going to try to be strong in the face of possible confrontation.

Also, last year when my youngest sister came to visit for Spring break, I ordered us half marathon virtual race medals, and we walked a little every day to make our week-long goal of 13.1 miles. We did it, and she loved it - and my brother was excited about the medal, so they both already asked if this is something we can do again! So that's a fun goal for us to try and reach that week. It may not seem like a lot, but it's a big thing for me - I am so excited to be active with them.

What about you? How are you rounding out this short month? Any active weekend plans?


Joanna said...

You are so deserving of fantastic results.. I admire your resolve.

Kendra said...

You go girl!

My weekend plans involve running every day so I can meet my mile goal for the month. I probably should have lowered it since it's a short month, but I didn't. Ah well, Monday will be a fun run on the dog beach with the pup, so I'm pretty excited for that.

Anna said...

I love the virtual race idea for a visit - so creative and motivating. The extremes can be so difficult - I think realizing their destructive value is half the battle. Be brave :)

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

What virtual did you pick?!?!

Alicia said...

I am on the same mission. Finding that balance is tough. Some days I feel like I am almost there and other days I feel like I want to control everything so absolutely that I will never find balance. I am keeping it simple this weekend, just trying to walk more than I have been during the week.