May 8, 2015

Roses and thorns

Been a while since we've seen one of these, eh?

In looking toward my future and planning for self-improvement, I've made a few goals, one of which is to get back to regularly posting weigh-ins. I need the accountability, the transparency. I keep thinking about why I stopped sharing specifics, and it comes back to being ashamed and feeling guilty. I told myself last year on my birthday that this year would be my guilt-free year, that I'd stop beating myself up and holding myself back like that. I've been inconsistent, but I'm improving. There's still six months left 'til my next birthday to make this promise come true.

Today I weighed in at 307, which is down 7 pounds from last week. It's the first week in, it's mostly water ... I know the drill. But it still feels good, so I'm owning that victory.

I didn't make too much progress on my May goals this week - I always seem to forget just how much work finals week is, even before it also included an excited toddler's birthday and an impending separation. I didn't make it to the gym at all, and I only wrote one blog post, but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to be better in the next few weeks, as the dust settles and we figure out good routines.

One goal that I *did* do particularly well with was tracking on MyFitnessPal. Still room for improvement with my water intake, but I'm on the right track, again.

Tomorrow is my son's birthday party, and tonight Matthew's mother is flying in. It's going to be a good weekend, I think, but a stressful one, as always. I love Matthew's mom very much, but I've been very anxious leading up to her arrival. First, because she doesn't like to eat at home, so I'm anticipating meals out (and researching options to keep myself under control). And second, because of the changes that will be happening this time next week. I've been quiet thus far on the reasons why I asked Matthew for a divorce, as it felt like a conversation better suited to being face-to-face.

So, all in all, a decent week - not perfect, but a good start to getting myself back. I got a book in the mail a few days ago that I'm planning on starting today - "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. It had been suggested to me by multiple people a few years ago as I worked through Geneen Roth's "Women Food and God" for the first time. I looked it up again last week - I knew the title but not the author, and then was floored to find that Lysa had been the guest speaker at church a few days earlier, a week after my Krispy Kreme experience. It felt like yet another clear-as-day message, so I ordered the book and a 60-day devotional that I'm going to start next Saturday - my first day without Matthew. I'm thinking about starting a Facebook page for group discussion if anyone is interested in reading through it with me!

What about you? How was your week? What are your plans for the weekend?


11 comments:

Kara said...

Congrats on the 7 pound loss! I am very encouraged by your blog and I appreciate your transparency and openness. I'm pulling for you. I'm in a similar boat weight wise.

Jamie said...

I would love to be a part of a Facebook group for Made to Crave and would enjoy going through the book and devotional.

I've been following your blog for a couple of years. I don't recall how I came across it, but it was through another blog, I'm sure.

You express yourself so well! I am in a constant battle with food and my weight and have been over 300 pounds for much of the past 10 years. It is a scary place to be and I can't seem to be able to stay in a focused and healthy mindset for more than a few weeks at a time. So frustrating!

Thanks for sharing your journey!

TCHBD5 said...

Wishing you peace and love on your new journey. Thoughts and prayers are with you

Heartful said...

Change is so hard. I wish you much luck on the many changes in your life.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

My week? Meh... runs went well but still shoveling the food in. Told my friend yesterday I won't eat after 7 and try to drink more water. So far, 2 for 2. Just don't ask what I ate *before* 7pm...

steelesgoprimal.com said...

My plans for the weekend include FINALLY finishing the bathroom remodel we started, uh, two years ago. My mom is visiting in two weeks to help us repaint the exterior of the house, and I want her to be able to use a bathroom that's 3/4 finished.

I really enjoyed Made To Crave. It helped with some of the issues I faced, namely seeing myself as God seems me and not a wretch undeserving of love. It also helped me to reframe my self-image. There were some sections that were a little contrived, but as a whole it certainly spoke to what I had been going through (and, let's face it, am still going through).

Rae said...

I use to read your blog regularly. I'm so glad I've found it again. I did some quick reads to catch up. I identify with so many aspects that you have shared. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you!

LovelyDreams said...

Happy Mother's Day, Mary.

Jill Walker said...

It's so awesome to watch you work your way through this process at a new and different angle! It's hard any time, but to go through it when your personal life is in turmoil...well, it can be exhausting just thinking about it. It can also be the best time, because concentrating on yourself, on what you need to do, on the process can be a sanctuary of sorts from all the other 'stuff' in your head. That was my case the first time, and if that is true for you this time, then don't be afraid to use it as a catalyst. I'm so proud of the start you have made, both here and on MFP!! Little steps will get you just as far as big steps will...remember that! :)

Running Meg said...

Nice work on the loss. Logging into MFP is super important so if you're going to get one of your goals done, that's the one to do. Good luck with the birthday party!

Lorrie Haley said...

I would be interested in the group. "Made to Crave" looks really interesting to me too. Since I still have that tendency to use food to comfort. Happy Birthday to your Son! I pray God will give you strength in all you do and show you his love in each moment for the days ahead.