March 19, 2015

Best ever

One day while my sister was here, I noticed a notification on my phone saying that my father had commented on my Facebook status. Knowing I hadn't posted one in a while, I went to investigate, and as it turns out, he was scrolling pretty deep in the archives: my birthday back in 2010.

2010 was my year, in so many ways. Finishing grad school, getting my first real full-time job, and taking the first steps toward a healthier life. My "rebirthday" was July 31 - by the time my actual birthday rolled around less than four months later, I was down about 75 pounds and about halfway through Couch to 5K.


I remember that day so vividly. I remember having tears in my eyes as I did my cool-down on the treadmill, amazed at what I had just accomplished - not just that day, but in the months leading up to it. I was in uncharted territory for myself - I'd never seen such results before. And it was terrifying, exhilarating, and scary. And I'd never been happier.

Sometimes I look back on that year and wonder if it really happened. I'd fantasized my entire life about being at a healthy, normal weight. Everything came and then disappeared so fast, I wonder if I hadn't just dreamt it.

My heart is so full of love and gratitude for all the people who have been encouraging me. I know in the long run that what they say is true: I did it once, I can do it again. My dad is right - I do deserve more best birthdays ever, but not only that. I deserve great days, great weeks. I deserve health, for myself and for me to be what my son needs.

I'm taking steps to make this happen. On a micro level, I've been eating well, and being gentle with myself. I know I feel great when I eat paleo, but I also know that I make myself feel absolutely horrible with guilt when I eat something off-plan. So I've been doing the best that I can, while allowing myself room to breathe. I eat paleo meals, and I eat one non-paleo snack a day. Breakfasts are smoothies made with fruits, veggies, and greens. Lunches are leftovers. Dinners are anything from my Pinterest board of paleo recipes - I try to make new ones sometimes, but definitely find a few that we like a lot and we tend to make those often. Most days lately, I've been taking a Greek yogurt for a snack with my lunch - we just got a Publix (a Southern grocery store) here and their store brand Greek yogurt is my new favorite. I like it very thick, and I like to be able to add the fruit myself, so I can add as much or as little as I want that day. The yogurts satisfy both the part of me that craves sweet and the part of me that needs protein.

I've also been consistent with exercise. I have tried to be gentle with myself with this as well. Some days, workouts are easy. On the days when I am not motivated, I do the best I can. Tuesday, for example - I just wasn't feeling great, so I did 15 minutes on the Adaptive Motion Trainer, then 15 minutes on the bike. As long as I get at least 30 minutes, I feel good - I can go as slow or as fast as I need to.

I'm looking forward to hopefully getting back out of the 300s - I'm very close at this point - and this time, trying my hardest to make sure I stay out of the 300s for good. Last time, I did some good meditating on the topic, and it helped motivate me to keep moving onward and downward. I'm looking for not only something meaningful to do for myself to help me focus on getting back down under the next century, but also - a good non-food reward.

What about you? Any ideas for something to commemorate/say permanent goodbye to the 300s? What rewards, if any, do you use as weight loss incentives?

6 comments:

Bethie boops said...

my heart is just so connected to yours! Since my son's birth I've regained all of the 50 pounds I lost and found some of their friends. I'be been clawing trying to get out of this funk but it's been 2 steps forward 1 step back sort of thing. I've had 3 consecutive positive days and that's something! you're not alone (and neither am i!)

Denise said...

When I hit my healthy weight I am getting a tattoo. A big one. I have a stupid Chinese symbol on my neck (blech) and I want it covered with something beautiful, probably going from the back of my neck to my shoulder. I haven't decided yet what it will be quite yet but that's what Pinterest is for.

Denise said...

P.S. PUBLIX IS THE BEST. It was my very first job and I worked there for nearly ten years. I love it and it's awesome. There's a couponing website called iheartpublix.com that's super easy to use because the lady does weekly write ups about what's on sale and what to match with what to get the most bang for your buck. Publix is great. I am so happy for you. I miss it every day.

Amy said...

You can do it again, and it wasn't a dream! I witnessed it too!

I think for me the best is focusing at the micro level too. What healthy choices have I made for myself today?

I don't think about last week, where I could be if X, Y, Z had of happened, or where I could be if X, Y, and Z do happen. What can I do today?

I have become such an advocate for not looking at the scale. I can understand needing to know, because I was once a slave to it too. But what if you didn't know? How would you feel about yourself knowing you were just living by the choices you were making on a daily basis? If you knew you'd be able to sneak the odd thing here or there because you wouldn't know, then sure I can understand the important of the scale governing you... but for me I sabotage myself when it doesn't change or if I get close to a milestone.

That Loud Redhead said...

I don't have any ideas for celebrating, but I just wanted to stop by and give you some encouragement...you can do it!!!

Jill Walker said...

Every step you take...no matter how small...is a step forward. And as you have said so many times...all forward motion counts! I found your blog late and didn't get to go through it with you the first time...so glad to be able to cheer you on this time, and do it with you! :) We got this!!