September 13, 2014

Whole 30: Day 13

I finally got my appetite back a few days ago, and it was hard to avoid eating back three days of skipped meals. I had a big snack (banana with almond butter) and that helped me stay in control.

Our anniversary was a few days ago, and it was a really interesting day. I made a Chicago-themed dinner for Matt and Noah, and for myself...

Delicious. Since I couldn't have it with butter, I had the lobster meat with a little homemade mayo - I make it with lots of garlic and dill, so it tasted wonderfully decadent. I also had a few shrimp. I know there's a ton of sodium in shrimp and lobster, but I figured, it's one day, and on other days it's much lower than when I wasn't doing the Whole 30.

Matt got me flowers - three dozen roses.

In our last move, someone accidentally threw out my two dried bouquets - red roses from our engagement, yellow roses from our wedding. So he got me two new bunches, plus a dozen light pink ones with dark pink edges for our first anniversary.

For him, I got a glass jar, which I filled with ideas for dates.

The first anniversary is the paper anniversary, so this seemed appropriate.

We also had a very long, emotional talk about our relationship and what we both want to happen in our second year of marriage.

I've talked a lot about how my weight loss wasn't successful in my first year in South Carolina because I didn't make it a priority, I was so busy adjusting to my new job, our new state, a new baby. Just like we didn't make our self-care a priority, we also didn't make our relationship much of a priority. In the whole first year of our marriage, we went out on two dates.

We agreed to try and find a therapist we can both speak with together, and we agreed to try and take care of ourselves as a couple. We've been better lately about eating better and going to the gym regularly - we need to nurture our relationship the same way.

September 10, 2014

Whole 30: Day 10 (Or, Year One)

I have barely eaten today and yesterday. It's the strangest thing, I just have absolutely no appetite. I'm not even thinking about food. This is completely foreign to me.

Today is my one year anniversary of being married. I'll write more about that later, perhaps - long story short, though, it's been a very difficult year. This morning I woke up and thought about if I should break the Whole 30 just for today, or if I should stick with it. Even the Whole 30 folks say that once in a while, for a birthday or an anniversary or whatever, life happens, it's okay to deviate - as long as you get right back on plan.

I decided to weigh myself instead. The loss so far is significant - but I'm still more than 20 pounds more than I was on this date last year. So I think I'll stick with the Whole 30, thank you very much. I'm going to make a wonderful compliant dinner for myself - I'm thinking maybe shrimp ... or lobster.

September 7, 2014

Whole 30: Day 7

I've made it a week into the Whole 30 - so far, so good. I had an intense headache around day 3-4 that I've never experienced before in my attempts - it made me feel queasy and all-around awful. Since then, though, I haven't felt sick at all.

My breakfasts and lunches are ready for the week: breakfasts are two spinach egg muffins with a homemade sausage patty (ground turkey mixed with sage, a little salt and pepper, and chopped Granny Smith apple), lunches are pieces of pork tenderloin with a slice of sweet potato and spinach. Similar to last week, but different enough that I won't go crazy.

The excitement of the first few days is already fading, though, and now the reality of "okay, three more weeks of this" is setting in. I don't mind the food - I read a lot of people's experiences with Whole 30 where they get fed up with eggs after the first few days. Honestly, I could eat eggs for every meal and not get bored. I think my bigger issue is that after the first few days, the "do this, don't do that" isn't right at the front of my mind - it has become routine, I can get back to my regular thoughts - and now, my normal worries take back their place in my thoughts. I am once again faced with my anxieties and now, I don't have food to soothe myself with.

This is what makes Whole 30 hard for me. When anxieties and stresses hit, I need to find alternatives to snacking. I need to recognize what makes me crave and what triggers my binges and deal with them. Face my stuff, instead of stuff my face.

The past few days I have been fighting with my husband on and off, and therefore fighting the urge to break off the Whole 30 and binge. I believe in myself, I believe that I am stronger than the cravings. I want results more than I want to drown my sorrows in junk food. I want to feel good about my choices.

I am thinking about making a binge jar - something I created years ago, a jar full of ideas for things to do instead of eat when I get anxious. I have a few go-to activities - reading blogs on Feedly, looking at the ridiculous Humor page on Pinterest, Words With Friends, a handwritten journal that I keep locked in my desk at work so no one else can read it. But sometimes these aren't enough.

Making exercise a priority is helping. Knowing how easy it is to eat 500 calories and how hard it is to burn them off is definitely a motivator for keeping myself on plan.

I made my fitness goal this week, by the way. Plus a few extra calories! Here's to hoping this week's workouts are also good.