October 4, 2013

Roses and thorns

The scale didn't budge this week. Like, almost at all. Maintained to the ounce every day except yesterday, when it was up .2, but it was back down today. This, plus other reasons, is why I'm committing to be active this month. I started October 4 pounds lighter than I started September, I'd like to see a slightly better loss when we November. It'd be really nice to re-achieve my 100 pound loss by my birthday in late November! Just 11 more pounds.

It's been a busy week of giving exams, grading them, giving oral midterms, and then grading those. And I'm not even half done with the grading! It'll be a busy weekend for sure, but I know we'll make time to have a little fun, too.

We're trying to limit excess spending since we're on a single income, but every weekend we make it a point to go mini golfing. I hadn't gone in about 20 years before we started going a few weeks ago, and we love it. We live in the mini golf capitol of the world, so there are tons of courses everywhere with all different themes, and since we're local, a lot of the places give discounts. We are thinking about trying every mini golf place in the area - we started a little review blog of the places, if anyone's interested. It's a fun project for Matt to work on while I'm at work and Noah is napping.

Speaking of Noah and blogs, I've decided not to renew my domain for Kosher Lasagna. Now that I'm working full-time again, on top of being a mom and a wife and a million other things, I'm struggling just to update this blog more than once a week. I rarely update Kosher Lasagna at all, just monthly updates on Noah. It's tough, because I have a lot of thoughts about religion and spirituality and parenting and all that, I just don't have the time right now. And the domain isn't expensive - $10 a year - but still, if I'm not using it, it's a waste. I'll convert it back to http://kosherlasagna.blogspot.com and keep using it, but I can't guarantee it'll be anything more than it is right now, at least not for a little while. Just too much on my plate these days.

It seems like all of my students have colds. I really, really, really hope I don't get sick.

I have a few big thoughts to get off my chest, but right now, I'm writing quickly between classes (still have one more oral midterm to give!), and I've got lesson plans to make for Monday. Busy, busy, busy! But - I'm teaching, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

What about you? How was your week? What are your weekend plans?

October 3, 2013

October goals

Now that September is over, I'm trying to think about a new goal for October. The month of salads was good but not great - my biggest issue was with consistency. The few times we went out to eat caused big setbacks on the scale. My salads weren't very diverse towards the end, it was mostly just eggs over greens, but still, I loved how it healthy made me feel, and I ended the month 4 pounds lighter than when I started. We're gonna keep having salads pretty often, I think.

For October, I'm feeling more confident with the eating - there is, of course, room for improvement still, but I am feeling more in control and less likely to binge. So I want to really commit to being active again. It would help with weight loss but also, it would hopefully help me de-stress after work, something I certainly need these days. I registered for a 5K a few months ago, and it's taking place in about three weeks. I definitely won't be ready to run it, though I still want to walk it (or run-walk, maybe).

I'm feeling very conflicted about running these days. I remember so vividly how wonderful it felt to run for the first time, how supported I felt finishing a race with my family at the finish line, how tearful I was crossing the finish line of my first half marathon. And yet, wanting to feel that way once again isn't a motivator. It seems so incredibly out of reach. To be honest, even thinking about running these days makes me anxious.

Weight loss makes me anxious, too, and I think it's because I'm retracing steps.

The first time I ran, it was empowering. It was me, moving in a way I'd never moved before. This time, though, I'm trying to repeat milestones. It's so hard to not see it as failure, to not be overly hard on myself for needing to achieve these things as if they were foreign and new.

Learn how to run for a minute at a time? Ugh, I already did this.

Trying to get out of the 250s? Ugh, I already did this.

The work part of it is not actually as hard as I'm making it all out to be. The hardest part is definitely getting up the motivation to take off my pity party hat, put on my big girl pants, and actually do the work.

Trying to be aware every single day, to always always keep in mind: It's not always easy. But it is always worth it.

So, that's my plan for October: stop feeling bad for yourself because you're dealing with a medium-sized setback. Not being able to wear all those cute clothes in the closet? Sucks. Not feeling like my healthiest self anymore? Sucks. Not being able to run the distances or the speeds that I used to be able to do? Sucks.

I don't have a choice. The only way to make these things better is to commit to action.

I don't want to run, and that's okay for now. I didn't start running last time, either. I walked, then I did Wii Fit, then I worked my way up to running. I need to build back some confidence first, so I think a reasonable goal for October would be to commit to 1000 minutes logged on the Wii Fit. Since it's already the 3rd, that leaves 29 days - I can achieve my 1000 minute goal with a little less than 35 minutes a day.

I've printed out a calendar for logging my minutes - last time, things like this helped a lot. Whenever I had a race I was training for, I'd log my miles and times on a printed out calendar page on my refrigerator (location not unintentional). Hopefully it works this time, too.