July 12, 2013

Roses and thorns

Two days in a row! Look at me go!

I wrote yesterday about my ever-changing perception of myself as I shopped for an interview outfit (killed the interview, by the way! More on that in a few). Today, I wanted to get back to an old blog feature I used to do - a weekly check-in, sharing my weight and how it'd changed from the week before, as well as the ups and downs for the week.

Last week I was at 261, and today I'm weighing in at 258. A good loss for the week, one that I'm proud of. We even went out to lunch (I had an old Groupon for a sushi place that was about to expire) and I still managed a loss! No binges, no mindless eating, and being diligent about tracking on MyFitnessPal have helped a lot. I made sure I was extra careful with my eating this week because it was so hot and humid, I knew my walks with Noah would be limited. I don't log most of my exercise calories - I log them when I use the Wii Fit but a little 20-30 minute walk isn't a real calorie roaster, so I'd rather not eat those burned calories back.

258 means I'm 13 pounds away from reclaiming my 100 pound weight loss milestone, which I'd like to achieve by Matt's dad's wedding. I know I can do it - 13 pounds is less than three bags of sugar!

I'm so hopeful about this teaching position. It went incredibly well, and while I'm trying not to read too much into it, the search committee said a few things at the end of the interview that have me believing that some time next week, I will have some good news to share. It would be an incredible job, combining all my favorite elements of my two previous university positions. Plus, it looks like it's in a good location, not only for raising a child, but for getting and staying healthy and active. I looked up local races on Running in the USA and found a TON, from triathlons to 5Ks all the way up to a marathon! Something that made California tough was the irony that I could finally afford to do all the races I wanted, but there weren't any races nearby. That wouldn't be the case in this new city!

It's hard not to get too excited when you have to do so much planning "just in case." If I get an offer from the school, we would have to be there for August 16. That would leave us about 3-4 weeks to sublet our current apartment, find a new one in the new city, pack up everything (for three people this time, not just for me!), and move us all down there. So in order to expedite things, I've already been researching apartments, looking into the cost of a UHaul, figuring out how to sublet a place and how to get a UHaul and Matt's car down there with only one driver. It's very tough, trying not to fall in love with an apartment or daydream about running a half marathon in a dreamy location.

This week, my goal with the job, as with the weight loss, is to take things one day at a time, and not to be devastated if my strong efforts don't always yield the results I expect.

What about you? How was your week? Any interesting weekend plans?

July 11, 2013


It's been so humid here in Chicago, it feels like you could cut the air. I haven't taken a walk with Noah in a few days, with the exception of a quick trip to the grocery store the other afternoon to drop off a movie at the Redbox and pick up a few things for the house. Even that, a quick 10 minutes there and 10 back, it was tough!

It should be letting up a little soon, though, which is good. I'm gonna need to work off some energy soon.

That interview I had last week? They called yesterday morning.

My second interview is this afternoon. In four hours. Over Skype.

I'm nervous, but in a weird way. The content of the interview is not a worry at all. They gave me a few things to prepare, and I spent all afternoon yesterday working on my notes and a small lesson plan to demonstrate how I would teach a certain grammar point. That's the easy part, honestly. I'm nervous about seeing them, and about them seeing me.

I read once that when it came down to two equally qualified candidates, an employer was considerably more likely to hire the one who looked more physically fit. So, on my curriculum vitae, under Extracurricular Activities, I was proud to list that I am a half marathon finisher several times over. I may look one way, but trust me, there's more to me than meets the eye.

Of course, when I added that to my CV, I was much smaller (and thought I was huge! Oh, hindsight!). I was 50-some odd pounds lighter when I finished the half marathons. I was confident the first time I applied to a job and was able to mention my physical feats. Now, I'm worried. Worried they'll be looking me over, wondering if I lied. Worried I won't be able to adequately convey what I feel, I'm an athlete, I promise. I just got benched this year.

It's interesting how my brain has reset a bit since regaining weight. I'd made pretty good strides towards seeing my smaller body as it was. For so long, I struggled with being able to see my own progress. I would try on clothes that were, to everyone else, obviously too large. But that was still how I saw myself: 345 pounds, and limited to wear what was available in my size.

Today, we went to Target to pick out a decent outfit for me to wear during the interview. I don't have nice clothes right now - at least not for working in. All my work clothes from California are medium or large, all the bottoms are size 12. These days, I'm still wearing my stretchy maternity pants, a habit I desperately need to kick, but there's the same odd feeling in wearing them that I had when I wore size 24 jeans even though what I needed were 18s.

When I found a dress to try on, I grabbed three of the same one - XL, 2XL, and 3XL, honestly unsure which I would need. The XL fit, of course - I was busting out of their 4XL at my biggest, which is 80 pounds heavier than I am today. But my understanding of myself and where I am is so blurry.

Since the weather has been so awful, Noah and I have been catching up on chores around the house. One big task we accomplished the other day: packing up all our clothes that don't fit. His newborn things are all too small, and the 0-3 month ones will be too soon (yes, I cried that my baby is growing too fast). Those I put away for some other day - for Baby #2, or for my sisters (one sister is engaged and I'm sure she'll be having kids of her own within a few years). My clothes that got packed up, though - those are all being donated. All the long sleeve pregnancy shirts are out of my drawers. I fit in them when I was hugely pregnant. I may not be back to my "racing weight," but I'm certainly not my full-term pregnant size either.

Once it rains and the humidity calms down, Noah and I will take a walk to the thrift store. I don't plan on staying this size forever, or even for long, but while I am here, I need clothes that fit and that flatter me. These big baggy maternity gaucho pants aren't doing much for me.