June 9, 2013

Climbing the mountain, again

When I was pregnant, the weeks went by quickly, but it seemed like a month took forever to pass.

Now, time flies like crazy.

Noah is already a month old, and most of his life so far has been a whirlwind of family visiting or traveling to go see out-of-state (and out-of-country) family members. It's been exhausting, both mentally and physically, for both baby and parents. Unfortunately, it's going to get worse before it gets any better: this weekend, Matt is on a camping retreat for therapy, and when he gets back, it's up to Minnesota to visit more family and family friends. It's incredibly tough, but also a bit necessary: Matt's job is not one that allows for frequent time off, not to mention that right now he's at the end of using up all the vacation time he'd saved up for five years or so.

Between coming to terms with the weight I gained during the pregnancy and my seemingly futile job search, I'm struggling quite a bit these days. Most days it's controlled, but I'm worried that a flood of postpartum/situational depression will hit as soon as we stop traveling and Matt goes back to work, so I'm trying to get healthy support systems in place while I can. One thing I've started doing is resuming the eating plan I used when I actively lost my weight. It's simple, and perhaps a bit tedious, but I crave routine, and the repetitiveness of it helps me stay focused. It might not work for everyone, but it works for me.

I am down over 20 pounds from the day we went to the hospital (and 7.5 of that was Noah), but I still have a long way to go. I am trying to focus on mini goals, hitting some major milestones. Like getting to 245, so I can once again claim 100 pounds lost. To 210, my pre-pregnancy weight. To 199, getting back to onederland (for what I am absolutely swearing is the last time). And finally, to 188 - my lowest adult weight - and then onward and downward.

Of course I'm not proud of or thrilled about how many milestones need re-achieving. Looking back on the pregnancy, I can't say I did my best with diet and exercise, but I do think I did the best I could. When it comes time for Baby #2, I'll be able to approach the situation with experience. It will absolutely be different then. But for now, I'm just accepting it and moving forward. My son is healthy, and so was I throughout the whole pregnancy - that's what matters above all else. Still, getting the weight off is entirely necessary to help me stay healthy long term, so I can't help but focus on that. I'm not setting any specific date goals, but the saying goes, "nine months on, nine months off," and I'd like to think I can get a good amount of the weight taken care of in that time. I did it once before, I can do it again.

This time, it will certainly be different. I won't be a gym rat, due to both time constraints and financial reasons. Interestingly enough, though, that's how I started out the first time - with my summer money running out and my fall job not yet begun, I made do with what I had, and simply walked around my neighborhood until I had lost enough weight to use the Wii Fit. I'm looking forward to doing that again, and now, with a partner - Matt said he would use it too, which will help keep me motivated. Having him around for encouragement and support will be a big help, too.

The support will be mutual, of course - he maintained his weight for the entire pregnancy, avoiding the partner weight gain which commonly happens. But when he started his leave from work, and the visitors/traveling began, his old habits began to creep back. Less active, more snacking, and suddenly, he's 20 some-odd pounds heavier. We want to be healthy - for ourselves, for each other, for Noah. So we're gonna fight together to get back to our healthiest selves. As much as it sucks to have to face the mountain again, I'm glad I have someone here to climb with.