April 19, 2013

Lost and found

Days are flying by so quickly now. Honestly, despite more than a few days that felt like they lasted forever, the whole pregnancy feels like a blur, and the past week or so has been on hyperspeed. We're due a week from Saturday, and based on my checkup with my midwife on Monday, we're right in the thick of "any day now" territory. There's so much I'm ready to experience, and twice as much that I feel unprepared for. It's stressful, but there's so much comfort in knowing that so soon, my sweet little boy will be in my arms, and I'll finally be able to see his little face and hold the hands and feet that have been kicking and punching me for months now.

Pregnancy for me has been so much like weight loss, in that I've sought online communities through blogging. I'm the first of my friends and one of the first of my generation of family to experience this, so, like the task of losing hundreds of pounds, I wanted to find folks who understood what I was going through and with whom I could share joys, as well as commiserate. I know quite a few other bloggers who are pregnant right now, and it's been such a joy having them by my side as we all experience this together.

On Monday evening, one such lady posted to Twitter that she felt selfish. Selfish for being pregnant and "bringing a child into this crazy world." This was understandable, of course, after hours and hours of updates and media saturation following the bombings at the Boston Marathon. I understood what she meant, and how she felt. And I offered her this: that having a child, especially right now, is not selfish at all. This is "the epitome of 'be the change you wish to see in the world.'"

And I honestly believe that.

On Tuesday evening, after a night out with friends celebrating Matt's birthday, we were rushing home - the baby kicked me so hard, I knew I was going to be sick. Matt dropped me off, then went to park the car. And somewhere between the car and our apartment, he lost our brand new camera. The fancy, slightly expensive one we budgeted for and got a few weeks ago so we could learn how to use it before Baby arrives.

When we realized it was missing, we went outside to search. At the place where Matt last saw it was my sweatshirt, but no camera. It was gone. We were upset. Beyond upset. Mad. Angry. Frustrated. But I kept a cool head and just left a note on the car nearest to where the camera had likely been, listing my phone number and offering a reward for it returned, even if we just got the memory card back since it had many sentimental photos already on there. And we went inside, and I told Matt again and again: it's just metal and plastic. It's going to be okay. It sucks, but it's absolutely not the worst that could happen. 

And in the morning, my phone rang.

A neighbor found the note, and called us as soon as she could.

She also found the camera, and had brought it inside before the torrential downpours had started.

And when I went to meet up with her, she adamantly refused the reward money I kept trying to give her, saying we need it for our new baby and besides, this was just the right thing to do.

And my heart was so full.

With Baby set to arrive any day now, I can't help but focus on good people and experiences like this, rather than the senseless acts of violence that happened not 48 hours earlier. There are so many good, honest people in the world. People who aren't looking to hurt you, people who do the right things for the right reasons.

Matt and I want our son to be a great person - a good citizen, a loyal friend, a loving son. And the way we will teach him that is through our own example. There are a lot of really bad people in the world, people who do hurtful things, people who will upset him, people who will put him down and try to make him feel small and unimportant. Our job as his parents is to educate him that they are wrong, they are unhappy with themselves and their own lives, and that they are absolutely the minority. There is far more good in the world than evil.

And I honestly believe that, too.