October 3, 2013

October goals

Now that September is over, I'm trying to think about a new goal for October. The month of salads was good but not great - my biggest issue was with consistency. The few times we went out to eat caused big setbacks on the scale. My salads weren't very diverse towards the end, it was mostly just eggs over greens, but still, I loved how it healthy made me feel, and I ended the month 4 pounds lighter than when I started. We're gonna keep having salads pretty often, I think.

For October, I'm feeling more confident with the eating - there is, of course, room for improvement still, but I am feeling more in control and less likely to binge. So I want to really commit to being active again. It would help with weight loss but also, it would hopefully help me de-stress after work, something I certainly need these days. I registered for a 5K a few months ago, and it's taking place in about three weeks. I definitely won't be ready to run it, though I still want to walk it (or run-walk, maybe).

I'm feeling very conflicted about running these days. I remember so vividly how wonderful it felt to run for the first time, how supported I felt finishing a race with my family at the finish line, how tearful I was crossing the finish line of my first half marathon. And yet, wanting to feel that way once again isn't a motivator. It seems so incredibly out of reach. To be honest, even thinking about running these days makes me anxious.

Weight loss makes me anxious, too, and I think it's because I'm retracing steps.

The first time I ran, it was empowering. It was me, moving in a way I'd never moved before. This time, though, I'm trying to repeat milestones. It's so hard to not see it as failure, to not be overly hard on myself for needing to achieve these things as if they were foreign and new.

Learn how to run for a minute at a time? Ugh, I already did this.

Trying to get out of the 250s? Ugh, I already did this.

The work part of it is not actually as hard as I'm making it all out to be. The hardest part is definitely getting up the motivation to take off my pity party hat, put on my big girl pants, and actually do the work.

Trying to be aware every single day, to always always keep in mind: It's not always easy. But it is always worth it.

So, that's my plan for October: stop feeling bad for yourself because you're dealing with a medium-sized setback. Not being able to wear all those cute clothes in the closet? Sucks. Not feeling like my healthiest self anymore? Sucks. Not being able to run the distances or the speeds that I used to be able to do? Sucks.

I don't have a choice. The only way to make these things better is to commit to action.

I don't want to run, and that's okay for now. I didn't start running last time, either. I walked, then I did Wii Fit, then I worked my way up to running. I need to build back some confidence first, so I think a reasonable goal for October would be to commit to 1000 minutes logged on the Wii Fit. Since it's already the 3rd, that leaves 29 days - I can achieve my 1000 minute goal with a little less than 35 minutes a day.

I've printed out a calendar for logging my minutes - last time, things like this helped a lot. Whenever I had a race I was training for, I'd log my miles and times on a printed out calendar page on my refrigerator (location not unintentional). Hopefully it works this time, too.


The Fat Foreigner said...

Good luck! I have trouble getting started on a routine with exercise. I know when I start I can do it, but the first step is so difficult.

check said...

You go girl!!

Amy said...

I totally hear you on retracing your steps... it gets so annoying time. after. time.

I finally started running again in August and was up to like 3-5 minute runs (followed by a minute of walking). Then I got sick... and for 3 weeks I hacked up my lungs in September.

I still haven't gone for a run, because I'm pissed I have to start over again. Annoying.

I keep saying next week, but next week keeps not coming. Enough is enough that's for sure.

timothy said...

at least when you're revisiting you have hindsight to help make it better/smoother! stop feeling the failure when you need to redo and simply relish the thought that this is the last time you'll be there! and you KNOW how much better you'll feel with each success.

Debby said...

The calendar is a great idea! I'm having a really hard time finding motivation myself lately to get moving. I have a more than ample stuff at home I could do. I have a Wii as well with several "games" that are actually work out for it. I might try the calendar and see if that helps.


That Loud Redhead said...

I love the calendar idea! I do know how frustrating it is to "redo" goals, but think about what goals you can accomplish for the first time when you get through this minor setback!!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

You have to remind yourself that your body is different now, having been pregnant and birthed a baby. Everything shifts so training might be and feel differently. You can't compare the roads you have and are travelling. Do you want to run or do you THINK you should run because you once did? Maybe you should try something completely different, like swimming or exercise classes, if the budget allows. I still swear by all of my DVDs. Leslie Sansone, Gilead, The Firm, Insanity... you can even borrow them from the library to try, risk free! If your library doesn't have them, put in a request for them to get them from another. Then you can fit exercise in wherever your schedule and Noah allows!