I can't believe it took me six days to get my April workout review posted. It's been a busy week: most of my semester isn't terribly busy, but there are always a few points where it gets incredibly overwhelming. Right now is one of those times: finishing up all my grading, making final exams (then proctoring and grading them), calculating final averages. Not difficult, just time consuming. Add in trying to figure out the logistics of my move back, and it's a recipe for stress.
Something else that's had me away from the blog is that I've started getting ready to move, and so I cleaned out my desk and moved my computer to the island in the kitchen. This is a two-fold solution to a few of my issues: one, it's now a standing desk (I sold the island stools) so I don't sit for hours and hours, and two, with the computer on the counter, there's no room for the dishes to pile up. I keep my apartment spotless for the most part, but dishes are my downfall. I hate them. My standing offer with everyone is that I will cook them whatever they want, any time ... as long as they do the dishes.
So, I've spent less time on my computer. But that also means my Google Reader is filling up. I can't wait for it all to settle so I can catch up on blog reading and commenting!
As for my April, I'm not thrilled. By the numbers, I weighed 4 pounds more on May 1 than on April 1. I biked over 300 miles, and ran under 10. The number that bothers me the most, though, is the number of really big binges I had this month. I got very, very deeply depressed after deciding I had to do the financially smart thing and stay in California, and I relapsed terribly. It was a depression like I haven't felt in years, and huge binges one day after another to try to feel something besides numbness made me feel worse.
Whether I'm in California or Chicago, I need to do what is best for my body and for my health. And that means eating well, and healthy portions. And that means not using exercise as a punishment for a binge.
I decided to do what's best for myself, mentally and physically. And that means leaving California. And as soon as I made up my mind, the urge to binge went away. The numbness was replaced by a renewed feeling of purpose.
I've said it before but I'll say it again: moving to Chicago isn't a cure-all for my issues. But for now, it's enough to keep me hopeful and optimistic. Being in California doesn't feel terminal anymore. It isn't great here, but my days are numbered. I have something to look forward to.
After making my decision, I did my post-binge recovery: stop exercising. In order to lose weight without running or biking, I have to really focus on my eating. It's especially important after very big binges, because my body still craves high calories even if my brain doesn't. It may seem counterproductive but it helps me reset, in a way. Then I slowly add exercise back in.
As of this morning, I'm at 191, with my eyes on the 180s again, for good. It's a lofty goal at this point, but I'd like to be at 185 by Bay to Breakers - it would be great to celebrate my no-longer-obese BMI at a race (especially alongside Miss Marisol, who is on track to hit her 100 pound loss by then!). As long as I'm in the 180s, though, I will be happy.
So my May goals aren't mile based - I started marathon training on May 1, so I'm back running, and still keeping the biking to a minimum and focus on controlling my eating while I wrap up the semester. My main goal for May is to be binge-free. (Sub-goal: no ordering takeout for the rest of my time in California.)
I want to remain in control. I want to be out of the 190s forever. I am leaving California, and I am leaving the 190s. In fact, my goal is to be out of the 180s by July 1. I'm not typically one to set up a system of rewards, but Matt and I were discussing our mutual struggle and we came up with a few ideas. I'm certainly motivated, and ready to look and feel my best when I get off the plane in Chicago on June 30.
What about you? How was your April? What are your goals for May? How do you recover from a day (or days) of bad eating?