May 5, 2012

Workouts: April

I can't believe it took me six days to get my April workout review posted. It's been a busy week: most of my semester isn't terribly busy, but there are always a few points where it gets incredibly overwhelming. Right now is one of those times: finishing up all my grading, making final exams (then proctoring and grading them), calculating final averages. Not difficult, just time consuming. Add in trying to figure out the logistics of my move back, and it's a recipe for stress.

Something else that's had me away from the blog is that I've started getting ready to move, and so I cleaned out my desk and moved my computer to the island in the kitchen. This is a two-fold solution to a few of my issues: one, it's now a standing desk (I sold the island stools) so I don't sit for hours and hours, and two, with the computer on the counter, there's no room for the dishes to pile up. I keep my apartment spotless for the most part, but dishes are my downfall. I hate them. My standing offer with everyone is that I will cook them whatever they want, any time ... as long as they do the dishes.

So, I've spent less time on my computer. But that also means my Google Reader is filling up. I can't wait for it all to settle so I can catch up on blog reading and commenting!

As for my April, I'm not thrilled. By the numbers, I weighed 4 pounds more on May 1 than on April 1. I biked over 300 miles, and ran under 10. The number that bothers me the most, though, is the number of really big binges I had this month. I got very, very deeply depressed after deciding I had to do the financially smart thing and stay in California, and I relapsed terribly. It was a depression like I haven't felt in years, and huge binges one day after another to try to feel something besides numbness made me feel worse.

Whether I'm in California or Chicago, I need to do what is best for my body and for my health. And that means eating well, and healthy portions. And that means not using exercise as a punishment for a binge.

I decided to do what's best for myself, mentally and physically. And that means leaving California. And as soon as I made up my mind, the urge to binge went away. The numbness was replaced by a renewed feeling of purpose.

I've said it before but I'll say it again: moving to Chicago isn't a cure-all for my issues. But for now, it's enough to keep me hopeful and optimistic. Being in California doesn't feel terminal anymore. It isn't great here, but my days are numbered. I have something to look forward to.

After making my decision, I did my post-binge recovery: stop exercising. In order to lose weight without running or biking, I have to really focus on my eating. It's especially important after very big binges, because my body still craves high calories even if my brain doesn't. It may seem counterproductive but it helps me reset, in a way. Then I slowly add exercise back in.

As of this morning, I'm at 191, with my eyes on the 180s again, for good. It's a lofty goal at this point, but I'd like to be at 185 by Bay to Breakers - it would be great to celebrate my no-longer-obese BMI at a race (especially alongside Miss Marisol, who is on track to hit her 100 pound loss by then!). As long as I'm in the 180s, though, I will be happy.

So my May goals aren't mile based - I started marathon training on May 1, so I'm back running, and still keeping the biking to a minimum and focus on controlling my eating while I wrap up the semester. My main goal for May is to be binge-free. (Sub-goal: no ordering takeout for the rest of my time in California.)

I want to remain in control. I want to be out of the 190s forever. I am leaving California, and I am leaving the 190s. In fact, my goal is to be out of the 180s by July 1. I'm not typically one to set up a system of rewards, but Matt and I were discussing our mutual struggle and we came up with a few ideas. I'm certainly motivated, and ready to look and feel my best when I get off the plane in Chicago on June 30.

What about you? How was your April? What are your goals for May? How do you recover from a day (or days) of bad eating?


timothy said...

glad you're back on track darlin and i hope the move is blessed! sometimes you just have to follow your heart and not your head! i have to cut out all carbs if i binge and it takes several days for the bloody horrible cravings to vanish. i'd like to finally reach wonderland but i keep losing/gaining the same gorram 10 pounds over and over and over again. working on breaking the yoyo for good this time!

mysticgypsy128 said...

I have that exact agreement with my husband...I'll cook him whatever he wants, but he does the dishes.

Lindac said...

I'm just starting my weightloss but I've tried many times before.
In May I'm aiming for there to be a huge improvement in my running abilities and a good weightloss - I tend to be unrealistic so i shall have to watch that.
I'll be checking out your inspirational blog most days though, hopefully your blog and others will keep reminding me I'm not the only one in this position.

Take care and well done for you weight loss.

Linda - I'm a new follower to you, would love you to follow my new blog back

Plump Nonfiction said...

I'm glad you are happy about your decision to leave California.

My goal for May is to stay in control of my eating and I hope to drop about 10 pounds. I am working out more so that should definitely help.

I have a hard time getting over a bad day of eating but I try to tell myself that one or two days doesn't mess up everything I've accomplished. It is definitely not an easy thing to get over.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I LOVE your countdown Post-its! At first I thought they were your workout schedule! Got me nervous!

After all we've been through with our successful weight-loss you'd think we'd have it ALL figured oue, right? There's something about the sweets that can put me in a tailspin! And Pinterest does NOT help! I guess we're always going to be a work in progress.

Renee said...

Sounds like your reset is working!!! :) no more looking back to April. May is a new month!

Anonymous said...

My April was pretty rough. Three deaths - two of B's coworkers and his grandfather - combined with the move and long hours left both B and I emotionally drained. And yet, towards the end I started working out again and felt better for it.

For May I'm hoping to keep up the exercise and find the balance in working full time and living outside of that.

Best of luck as you move into your summer classes and plan the move back to Chicago. I'll be cheering you on the whole way.

Sunnygirl said...

Hi Mary,
I just recently joined your blog groupies. :-) I love how open and honest you are. You are a real success and what an inspiration
you are! Sounds like you are really focused for the month of May. I love the "visual" on the days being numbered until you get to Chicago! Way to go!! My goal for May is to lose 6 pounds which would put me at 176.5 and to train for a Tri- Relay race. I would be doing the running portion. Also along with you it would be awesome to not binge at all this month :-) Hope you have a great month!!


marisol said...

My goal for May is to survive the Hayes Street hill during B2B. I am so dreading it but I will survive.

How do I recover? Drink water and more water and for that day try to eat just fruit and veggies.

Tim said...

My main goal for May is to try and get out the house more. It sucks being jobless and the weather is awful too so it means i'm sat around the house doing next to nothing! Very frustrating!

Whenever I go through a phase of eating crap 24/7, I don't try and stop what I'm eating completely because I will go insane and eat more. Instead I try and reduce the amount I eat until I don't want it anymore.

Ann said...

My goal is to make some significant strides in weight-loss, running, and overall healthy living. :) Great job on your accomplishments in April and especially having a plan and idea of your action-items going forward. You = rock, Mary.

Hungry Girl Fan said...

Hang in there! Knowing that Chicago is just around the corner is probably a great feeling for you!

April was a good month for me. I am finally seeing some weight loss again, and have been getting back to running. In May, I will be increasing my mileage and doing more half marathon training. Good luck increasing your exercise. Stay strong!

qweenie said...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. You are truly inspiring <3