November 3, 2011


I'm heading to Chicago today. I have a few plans, but am mostly going to just relax and take it easy. I'm really looking forward to some time away - as exhausting as it is, all the traveling is nice, because it's some time for me to process all the things I have on my mind lately. Specifically, my goal for this trip is to do some deep thinking about my recovery and what I need to do to get entirely back on track - I keep mastering one area but falling short in others, and I need all around balance if I'm ever going to break this plateau.

Part of my recent struggles has been my relationship stress, for sure - my relationships with my family, my friends, and of course, with Bobby. While in Chicago, I'll be seeing a lot of people, and I'm not entirely sure he will be one of them. We talked about getting together for dinner on Saturday night, but to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I leave Chicago without spending time with him at all.

I've stayed pretty quiet about our situation - I guess hearing that reading about my dating attempts was like watching a train wreck made me retreat into myself a bit about it. I'm going to maintain my silence about the details, but I guess the best thing I can offer on the subject is a bit of wisdom from my dad: in a long distance relationship, you tend to learn a lot more about the things you don't have in common than the things you do.

Since I've been writing less here, I've still needed my outlets for unburdening myself of the thoughts and ideas. Skype chats with Lorelei have been great, and I can't wait to see her tonight for in-person catching up. And, of course, there have been countless talks with Justin.

We went out to dinner last night. First we went to the store to exchange my TV, then went to a restaurant downtown - my first restaurant meal since my dad was out here. We ate Indian food and talked, and while driving home, he said that his eating has gotten a lot better because of me. And I told him that was interesting, because I had just told some people about how observing his eating habits has been helping me get back on track with my recovery. And he said, so, we're good for each other.

True that.

Driving home, he asked what my favorite kind of ice cream was.
Pumpkin, even though it's seasonal.

What about from Baskin-Robbins?

Well, I don't know, because I've never been there. But anything that doesn't have too many chunks. Peanut butter, always.
And we started talking about peanut butter, and how good it is, and how bad it is for you. I explained to him about my problem with jars of peanut butter and bingeing. I told him how I binge - and why. I told him that being able to keep peanut butter in the house will be a huge victory for me someday.

He didn't tell me I'm crazy. He just listened intently. And I cannot tell you just how good it feels to open up to someone who's honestly listening.


Charlotte said...

I also love traveling because it helps me put my thoughts in order. Good luck on the race and have a nice trip!!

Ann said...

I hope chicago is everything you need, and more. I think you are doing a beautiful job of creating the person you want to become. Can't wait to hear all about your trip. <3

financecupcake said...

Oh, I can't put into words how bummed I am that we won't be getting any more detailed dating posts! I haven't been on a date in over a year, and I liked living vicariously through you.

Justin sounds like a real winner.

Jessica said...

Enjoy your trip! Soak in the time with your friends!

Caron said...

I totally understand your reluctance to share as much as you once did. It sounds like you are making progress in all areas of your life. I give that two thumbs up! :)

LynnieG said...

Whatever you choose to write about - I love your style! It's interesting that your title today was 'chapters' because I recently told myself that reading your blog was my 'chapter a day'.
In your writing and life...Do what feels healthy and helpful to you!

Have a great time back in Chicago!

Rusti said...

I respect your decision to keep some details private, I sure will miss those detailed dating posts though!
Have fun in Chicago!!!

Spoonful of Me said...

I have missed the personal updates and I am sad that someone said that to you. You should be able to post what you want and people need to learn to not be so negative, if they don't like something you post they don't have to read it.

All relationships are a learning experience.

timothy said...

you write what you need to sweetie, whomsoever made that trainwreck comment was a moron! i may not agree with all your choices but i support you 100% and trust that all will be as it should be. part of caring for someone is 100% unconditional love. i care enough to share my opinion with you even if we differ but i stand by your decicions no matter what. i myself gave up a 5 year relationship when the bf moved it would've been too hard for me, but i hope it works for you.........of course justin sounds like a doll! lol

marisol said...

Good luck on your race this weekend & enjoy your time off.

Tim said...

Have a wonderful time in Chicago! Take pics if you can. I love seeing different parts of America.

One day i'll travel around America myself and take my own but in the meantime I need you guys to do all the work for me! :) hehe

Jennie Palluzzi said...

Is peanut butter really bad for you? I think if you eat organic peanut butter - the kind you have to refrigerate, then it's like most things; good in moderation.

Sometimes I see people saying that things are bad for them (ie avocado, olive oil, etc.) just because they have fat. I think that those things are misinterpreted, and you end up with people eating "low fat" yogurt chocked with sugar, and people avoiding vegetables because they've heard mistruths.

Now, you're a smart lady, and you know all of this, but I just wanted to clarify. :)

Unknown said...

Have a wonderful time in Chicago, Mary. Brace yourself for this blasted weather change!

Poison said...

I could seriously SERIOUSLY shake the person who said it was like a train wreck. I live and breathe for the kinds of stories you were telling about your love life... come on... I NEED MOAR!!! lol. Seriously though.. I'm like an addict... and I wanna live vicariously through you. I'm having a bit of a strange love life these days myself... if you ever want another sounding board you can totally find me on facebook chat or even text me or something.


Enjoy your trip, hon!!