June 17, 2011

Roses and thorns

The scale didn't move much this week - well, it went up and back down a couple of times, but never more than a pound or so at a time. I'm weighing in today at 199, no change overall - which is good, and all things considered, I am very happy with it. This was not one of my toughest weeks, but it was certainly full of unique challenges.

Something I've believed since I decided to get healthier last year is that being alone is both a help and a hindrance. Sure, I'd love someone to share this happy and healthy life with, but there are a lot of things I've been dealing with that were easier to go solo on. I haven't had to worry about tempting foods in the house because the only one who grocery shops here is me. I don't have to scour restaurant menus looking for something remotely on-plan because I simply don't eat out. And there has always been time to go to the gym for two hours a day because to tell the truth, there wasn't really anything else to do.

It's good, but all along, I've feared that my changes aren't truly sustainable because of this. Eventually, I'll share my life with someone, and there will need to be space in the fridge for the things he enjoys. There will be meals out. And there will be days when the gym is the last place I'd like to be.

This past week, these have been the case.

Looking singularly at this past week, I worked out a good amount and made good eating choices; compared to the past ten and a half months, though, this week has been fairly inactive. I decided early on in the week that my goal was not loss, but simply maintenance - just enjoy this a little and don't feel devastated and anxious because you're choosing to watch a movie with a cute boy instead of take the bus uptown for an hour, run for an hour, then take the bus for 30 minutes home. Despite my worst secret fears, the scale is not going to automatically jump back to 345 pounds because I chose to cuddle a couple of days instead of spending hours and hours on the elliptical machine.

I've made terrific progress on my own since July 2010, and now, in this final phase of my weight loss, I'm trying to accept that it's okay to have a week like this, because I'm still learning something. I'm learning how to make the best choices when the choosing isn't all about me, how to make the best decisions I can when I'm not the only one involved in the decision making process.

Something I'm very pleased with in terms of my progress this week is noticing that on days when I did not go to the gym, I was at or below my calorie goal. My restaurant choices have not excessive, partly because I knew I won't be making it to the gym, but also, because I just didn't want to eat poorly/overeat. I never want to feel gross when I eat anymore, but especially when I'm hanging out with a cute boy. Nothing says unsexy like a belly that's weighed down with sodium and feels like it's full of lead because of a huge portion.

I like hanging out with Matt an awful lot, and if this becomes something, I'll have to find a way to make it work while still being active. I need to make sure that lazy weeks like this aren't all too frequent - something I doubt will be a problem, though, because I honestly love being active and felt a little antsy at certain points in the week. I jotted down all the active date ideas you guys shared (thank you!!!) and we already talked about not eating out so much - today, for example, I've made a lasagna (only about 400 calories for a good sized portion) and a mixed greens salad. Lasagna is total man bait - it's what my mom made for my dad on their first date - and I've done a good job of taking my mom's recipe and making it kosher/lower calorie/8"x8". (My mom's lasagna is incredible, but also has at least twice the calories and never weighs less than 20 pounds. We have it once a year and eat it for days.) I'll share my lightened-up version here on Sunday.

Pretty much unrelated to anything but I love it: this picture.

Hello, legs! Given the weather and time constraints, I've been back on the treadmills lately, but I ran by the lake once this week and it was glorious. I love my awkward runner's tan - my arms below the sleeve are tan (with the exception of a one-inch bar where my iPod strap is), as are my legs (but only below the knee and above my socks). It's a purposeful tan, and I love it - like I was telling Caroline recently, it's like the awesome uniform to an exclusive club for people who get out there and put in their time on the pavement. It's silly, but I'm so proud of this.

What about you? What NSVs did you have this week? What challenges do you find with balancing weight loss and relationships?


Kelliann said...

I find it difficult to balance as well. I am married and I have two small boys (4years and 10 months). Sometimes I feel really torn when I leave the house for a workout, especially if I've been working all day. But, in the end, it makes me happier and healthier and that makes my kids happier and healthier. As for the hubs - he's getting into the exercise action too, so it's something we can do together. If something is important to you, that special person will support you, because they want you to be happy too! :-)

Meghan said...

I understand how it is easier to be "alone" on this weight loss journey. I'm married and my husband isn't really doing the food part with me. It would be much easier if he wasn't here--in a way. I believe that sometimes I would be much more in control. But, what kind of life is that? We must learn to continue when someone or something comes our way. Your maintenance shows that you're going to be able to handle it. You reflected and saw that you weren't as active and you will fix it this week.

You've come so far and deserve a relationship. You can have both the relationship and weight loss. I'm proof that you can!

Amy said...

For the week you've had maintaining is amazing! I think you're at a good point in your journey where you can focus on other parts in life too! You've come so far, and you don't have to speed to the finish line, have fun with dating for a while!

Kelty said...

The balance is a struggle. I was losing weight very steadily, but then when a boy came into my life I only lost like 10 pounds in two months...way less than I had before. I just chose to enjoy a slower weight loss...after all the scale was still moving in the right direction. Now that the boy's gone (no worries) I am starting to go back to my old track. But you can definitely still lose the weight, but when something new and exciting is happening it just might go slower...worth it. Have fun!

Amy Benitez said...

My experience is similar to yours. When I'm by myself and in autonomy mode, it's(comparatively) super easy to stay on plan and goal oriented. But, when I spend time with my boyfriend (we're currently long distance), maintaining becomes the name of the game. Partially because he's 6'3 and 198lbs of lean muscle and eats like a race horse, but also because we do things like snuggle instead of get outside and do something active. It's a habit I still haven't figured out how to break! It's really hard!

Good for you for recognizing it and calling yourself out immediately. It took me months to finally admit to myself that us spending time together was hindering my weight loss. :P

CarolineCalcote said...

Yay for sexy, awkwardly-tan-lined legs! You legs look HOT!

Tim said...

haha, so true about lasagna being man-bait. I LOVE it and would love anyone who made it for me.

So pleased that you and Matt are getting along great. Enjoy your maintenance week!