June 11, 2011

Alice

After struggling and fighting my way through the hardest ten pounds of my journey so far, I'm finally in onederland.


When I explain to my friends and family that it means 199 or lower, they're proud and congratulatory, but none of them understood the terminology at first - and the meaning behind it was ultimately lost on them.

Before I started blogging, I was not in-the-know in terms of some of the lingo we tend to use in our writing. I probably could have figured out things like "NSV" and "onederland" eventually, but to hear and comprehend them on a surface/definition-based level is so different from being on a journey and striving for your own personal understanding of them. I could hear all about examples of non-scale victories, but there really wouldn't have been any meaning attached until I myself didn't need an airline seatbelt extender or until I personally bought a pair of jeans somewhere other than Lane Bryant.

I've been doing some reading to get prepared for this milestone: weight loss blogs, self-help books, and -


Very relevant, believe me.

Alice finds herself in a new and confusing place where very little seems to make sense to her. She's constantly confused by the people/animals she meets and their actions, the things to see, and the different feelings she experiences. The residents of Wonderland, however, don't share her sentiment. Nothing is strange or different - this is all normal, everyday living for them.

Right now, I'm Alice. It's my turn to wander around Onederland, and the things I am not used to might seem bizarre - but only to me. The people who've spent their entire lives in Onederland don't realize how strange it all seems to me, an outsider trying to make sense of it all. Just as celebrating unbirthdays and ordering a sentence before the verdict confounded Alice, I find myself on the brink of discovering even more oddities about life as a smaller person. With each pound I lose, little seemingly insignificant things keep changing, and my world becomes curiouser and curiouser. Clothing options keep growing exponentially, toning and surfacing muscles and bones continue to surprise and amaze me, and I'm meeting people who have no idea at first glance that I used to be 146 pounds heavier.

These experiences aren't shocking to someone who's never walked into a store only to walk right back out because she was too big to fit in the clothes sold there. Someone who's always been able to see the bones move in the back of her hands as she wiggles her fingers probably doesn't stare at them for minutes at a time while smiling in amazement. And someone might think nothing of meeting new friends and colleagues if there wasn't an alternate persona in the back of her mind: herself in another time and place, with a physical appearance that has changed so drastically that she is occasionally not recognized by those she knew before.

The difference between 200 and 199 is a large leap unfathomable by those who've never had to jump. It feels a lot bigger than 300 and 299 did, and understandably so. 300 to 299 was a huge transition from "the way things once were" to "the way things will be for a while" - but reaching 199 means moving into the next phase: "the way things will be for good."

The end is near, so to speak - though, admittedly, reaching goal is hardly an end, and living in maintenance will provide its own set of challenges. The last number will fluctuate. The middle number might change, too, for better or for worse. But my lifetime goal is to make sure that the first number never increases again. Because unlike Alice, I'm not going to simply wake up. I'm not dreaming - Onederland is my home now. Even though I haven't spent my whole life here, I'll eventually settle down and grow accustomed to the curiosities.

19 comments:

Tiffany said...

Yay! Congratulations. You're awesome. :)

downsizers said...

This is great news. You have worked hard and the rewards are many. Keep doing what you are doing and the end IS in sight.

Hyla said...

What a wonderful post!! Congratulations! I am sitting on the verge and so far this is my toughest 10 yet.

He Took MY Last Name said...

it took me forever to figure out what a NSV was!! I kept trying to come up with my own abbreviations "not so vain? not...so...???"

It took me almost a year to figure it out, and it was only because a blog I had stumbled on had spelled it out as a NON SCALE VICTORY.
Duh. Should have just Googled it.

CONGRATS on reaching the HOLY GRAIL of onederland!

I have been dreaming of 199 for nearly 3 years. I'm glad I can live vicariously through you for this special moment. Keep up the hard work Mary. After I quit being pregnant (ie give birth to baby) then I will get back on it and work hard!

Ashley said...

Oh, onderland, I can only imagine! I am so happy for you, so inspired by your words and descriptions, the new things you see along your path. It helps me know that I can get there too!

I wish you all the luck in the world as you get to your goal weight and learn to live with maintenance. I'll be here every step of the way with ya, cheering you on!!

xoxo
Ash

Sable said...

This is such a great post!! I have never experienced that final loss between 200 and 199 -- and it never occured to me how interesting it must be to see the bones of your hands for the first time! How eye-opening.

This is really great -- what an interesting new perspective.

Tim said...

Superb post Mary and once again congratulations!

I can see "onderland" in the distance so hopefully i'll be joining you soon!

Sarah G said...

Congrats!!

SlimKatie said...

Very well-said!! I'm so happy for you. I know how hard it was to get where you are today, and I know how hard the upcoming challenges will be as well. You have a great attitude, and I've no doubt that you'll never see the 200's again.

Shannon said...

Really, really great post, Mary! Congrats, again, on reaching ONEderland! I can't wait to get there!

Karla said...

(((((hugs)))))) soo happy for you!!!

Kelty said...

I freaking LOVE this post! This completely articulates the importance of transition to Onederland! Congratulations! You've totally earned it!

Kelliann said...

First: CONGRATS!!!!!!!! SO AMAZING!!!!
I ADORE this post. Seriously - when you were talking about the bones in your hand, I stopped and wiggled my fingers and stared in amazement. To say I know what you mean is an understatement.
What a wonderful way to explain the joys and wonders of ONEnderland. I can't wait to be there soon to navigate it along with you.
Congrats again!!

jayme @ Losing Half My Weight said...

I SOOOO loved your reference to Alice in Wonderland for this. I agree with everyone else and say bravo (that sounds so trite! but you know i'm so happy for you!), but the creativity and wonder you've expressed here is truly inspired. Lovely writing, Mary!!

Amy said...

Congratulations Mary!!! This is such a wonderful and amazing goal to meet, and I hope you'll always be able to remind yourself how you feel right now!!

Never forget how far you've come!!

Truly amazing and so inspiring!

Princess Dieter said...

I wasn't online as much yesterday, and I missed your EVENT! Congrats. Yes, yes, yes. It is a huge milestone for us who fight obesity. HUGE. I remember my euphoria quite well...and I still get thrilled to see a number with 1 at the beginning when I step on the scale. I won't feel completely at eas here until I see a number UNDER 180. I know my mental blocs/milestones. 185, i'm just overweight..it's a biggie. But under 180, that far from 200 is like a sense of relief I am expecting...a sense of, "Yes, this is NOT a fluke and I can stay here if I am vigilant and work hard."

I hope you danced and whooped. Proud of you. Glad for you. YAY!

Jan said...

Welcome to Onederland! I'm so proud of you! What an amazing accomplishment! Keep it up! You're doing great! :)

Katie J said...

So happy for you! You have worked hard and are seeing the results.

Hungry Girl Fan said...

Just catching up on your posts and saw that you reached Onederland! Yay! Congratulations! So happy for you and keep up the good work. You are an inspiration!