May 27, 2011

Roses and thorns

This has been a roller coaster-y week. My workouts were great and my eating was good and totally on-plan, but my weight went up and down mid-week for seemingly no reason (I'm weighing in at 204 today, down 1 pound - not the lowest I saw all week, but seriously, I have no idea why it jumped back up. So I'll take whatever loss I can get!).

Emotionally, this was a very rocky week - lots of extreme highs and lows. I had a phone interview for a teaching job, but I was nervous and shaky and I'm not quite sure where I stand on it. I hung out with a boy that I'm totally crazy about, but it's fairly clear that the feelings aren't mutual. (He'll get his own post soon enough, I promise.) And it's cold and rainy in Chicago, feels more like mid-autumn than nearly summer, and that has me feeling a little down and out as well.

It's easy to stay motivated when everything is going well, but as soon as one thing starts to slip, it can feel like everything is at risk of falling apart. It's irrational, I know - the weather will improve, my heart will mend, and I will find a fantastic job. But in times like this, I find myself grasping for every little bit of control that I can. I'm proud to say that I did a good job of not eating emotionally, choosing instead to bawl my face off several times. I forget how cathartic sobbing can be, especially when paired with a really great sad song.

When we were in college, Sam gave me a copy of the Magnetic Fields' album "Get Lost" and told me that it's the perfect sadness soundtrack.

He was right, I'll give him that - because when you're sad, you don't always want to listen to cheerful music and pop right out of the bad mood. Sometimes you need to splash around and revel a bit in being a giant depressed mess, then get up and clean yourself off and move forward. Feel the sadness, totally experience it, and then dry your face and carry on.

In spite of having cried at least a dozen times this week, I'm feeling pretty good right now, and I'm happy overall about the work I've done this past week. I'm ready to start the weekend positively: I'm healthy and strong and capable of incredible things. What's not to celebrate in that?

What about you? Do you have a song/band/movie/etc. that you can always count on to get the tears flowing? What NSVs and positive progress will you celebrate this weekend?


Amy said...

I totally agree - being emotionally healthy means allowing yourself to be sad when you're sad - not to get wrapped up in it, but you have to let it out or you're never fixing anything!

downsizers said...

My NSV lately has been that I have been cruising along, doing well with the low carb and making a few changes in the environment here. I have just decided that I cannot have wine in the house. One glass in the evening is perfectly fine but Myra doesn't know when to quit and then for some reason it leads right to overeating. I know this. I am not having it in the house. If there is an occasion I will have a bottle and share it with a friend but alcohol pairs so nicely with food so out it goes. You are doing well and with your attitude like it is you will be fine.

Anonymous said...

I think you did a fabulous job keeping up with everything when the motivation wasn't flowing over - that is always the hardest part!

For me, music rarely me tear up, but movies will always do the trick. One of the movies makes me BAWL is Mr. Holland's Opus. Every. Time.

Anonymous said...

The self-titled Nouvelle Vague is just perfect for good and bad days. Sarah Slean is also great for very sad days -- I don't cry very much, and I think it's important to cry sometimes (you know, instead of eat), so when I need to shed a tear, I listen to Sarah Slean (her Bight Bugs album always gets me).

Hey, thanks for stopping by my site, so glad you did. I just looked at your progress, and you are such an inspiration! I hope I can do as well as you.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you've had a rough time lately. {{HUGS}}

I cry at everything. My husband tells everyone I cry at commercials...and sometimes I do!

Anonymous said...

So that is what happens when we do not emotionally eat. We have to face our feelings and have it out with ourselves? I have been wondering what the alternative was going to have to be. Funny, but that sticks in my throat far worse than a dry roll with no water in sight.

But look at you. Doing it. And not only living to tell about it, but sort of dusting off your pants and walking on.

It can be done.

I admire you.