March 4, 2011

Roses and thorns

I had a really great phone conversation with my best friend Jill last night. It's really hard living nine hundred miles away from her, especially since we were constantly together through most of college.we are more than most will ever find It's also very strange right now because we have not seen each other at all since I started losing weight - we were supposed to hang out when I was in Connecticut over winter break but a giant snowstorm kept us on our opposite sides of the state. We occasionally video chat, but it's not the same as going out and being crazy or even just sitting down and having a real conversation with the person who knows you best.

Last night we were talking about some of the struggles I've been having lately with my transitioning body, and it was really interesting to hear the ideas of someone who knew me at my biggest. She's a photographer and she always takes tons of pictures whenever we go on adventures, so my "before" has been fairly well-documented. From last July:

"Unhappy" would be an understatement.

compare that with my new side view - holy moley
*sigh* Compared to my new side view - holy moley! Sometimes it's hard for me to see that I've changed all that much, but pictures like this help me see what really terrible shape I was in and just how far I've come.

Jill is my best friend, so the size of my body was never really something she thought about, but looking at some of my "before" pictures now, she agrees that it's hard to recognize that person. I made huge offline progress by sending her the picture from my post the other day, and she was really positive and supportive. Offline, I'm an extremely secretive person, even with my best friends sometimes, so exposing myself like this was a pretty big deal for me, and I'm very proud of myself for it.

I've had a strange week. I'm not really sure how I feel about it all. In terms of weight loss, it's been alright - I lost 3 more pounds this week, bringing me to 229 for a total of 116 lost. That's good, I think, although I feel like I was kind of sluggish and wishy-washy all week. General malaise, can't pinpoint the cause exactly. Part winter, part work stress, part just general life exhaustion, I think. I'm really looking forward to catching up on sleep tomorrow and then grading this stack of compositions and the exams my students will be taking today - maybe if it's nice out, I'll bring them to the park or somewhere where I can sit in the sun and enjoy life a little. Wonderful English word I recently learned: apricity - the warmth of the sun in winter. I'm hoping for some this weekend.

What about you? What are you hoping for this weekend?


Tim said...

I might have a picnic along the seafront if the weather is nice this weekend and maybe visit the sealife centre and feed the turtles :)

Anonymous said...

There is always someone who loves taking pictures a bit too much ;) I am so sorry you didnt get to see Jill over your winter break... but that just means, when you do get to see her it will be even more awesome!! :) And HOLY SHEEEEET!! an additional 3 lbs!! Girl... you are rockin it!!

Ann said...

Kudos for the work you're putting in to see yourself in a new way!! Have an awesome weekend!!

Meghan said...

Congrats on the 3 pounds loss! This weekend I'm looking forward to my parents coming to visit and shopping with my mom. I'm also thankful for a weight loss this week even with a horrible binge. I'm starting a new week and I'm pumped!

Enjoy your weekend and I hope grading goes by fast for you!