February 18, 2011

Roses and thorns

I give every day the very best that I can. Most days, that means all that I have in me - and even then, I try to push myself a little more. But every now and then, "all that I can give" doesn't equal out to very much at all, at least not comparatively. This was one of those weeks - it started rough but ended relatively well. Some days I couldn't give everything I have, but I gave all I could, and that is what matters.

This morning, the scale has me at 236, another three pound loss. I'm feeling neutral, but not about the numbers. My workouts were good but not great (skipped my long 3.75mi run, messed up my medium 2.5mi run, but nailed my short 2mi run), and my eating was fine (with the exception of Monday). My biggest personal concern at the moment is that emotionally, I've had some setbacks. My goal for this weekend is to decompress a little and do some serious soul-searching. Between anxiety about my father's situation, grief about my binge, and guilt about both, I need to step back a little and make a plan for how to deal with these situations without turning to food. i am so ready for fresh berriesI feel like Monday was just an exceptional low, because most days, a binge doesn't appeal to me. But in case things get really bad again, I need to be prepared.

I'm thinking a trip to the Lincoln Park Zoo might be in order for this weekend. Walk around, take it all in, and maybe bring my notebook and do some actual writing. The weather's supposed to be lovely today and tomorrow - 48ºF might not sound like much, but after the very low negatives of last week, this is a much-deserved heat wave! (Aside: we also got a fourth sprout in our office strawberry plant!) There are almost no more visual reminders of the blizzard, and even though the grass is soggy no matter where you go, at least it's a little green and not entirely white and shades of dirty grey. The winter weather has never really affected me before, but it's hitting me pretty hard this year - I think the difference is because this year I actually go out and live a little. It's easy to not be affected one way or another by the weather when you never leave your couch and your view never changes.


Julie said...

Green grass would be all it would take for me to recenter myself. But it is hard so take the time to find you, do some writing and relax and rejuvinate. Find the silver lining and also ENJOY the 3 pounds. You are doing well, it's a life journey, not something that just happens. It takes time and thought and more so just do your best and let the Lord do the rest.
Take care and have a blessed day!

Life as a Caterpillar said...

Hey Mary, thank you for the nice comments on my blog.

Do you know we are now the same weight? Whadaya gonna do about it?

(come on challenge me, i'm full of beans over here!)

I hoep you have a lovely weekend. I'd love to go to the zoo, but the budget doesn't stretch to lil trips like that atm


Ann said...

A trip to the zoo sounds awesome!! Have a great weekend!!

Amy said...

I'm certainly over the winter.

Ready for flats and no big bulky coats.

Ahhhh Spring - the stinky muddy season.

I love that Spring represents new beginnings!

I really think you should praise this three pound loss! In the midst of a horrible week, you kept going even with set-backs.

I hope this weekend will serve you well, and get your mind in a better place :)

Ashley said...

I hope that you are successful in planning for next time you get those binge feelings. Being prepared and having a game plan is a huge portion of the battle is what I've been learning as of late. Enjoy your warm (COLD for me!) weather and zoo trip!

TMLfans.ca said...

Congrats on the 3 lb loss! Sounds like the trip to the zoo would be welcome - get out in the fresh air! Cheers, Rick