February 3, 2011

Revisited: 25 Things

I feel like yesterday was an awful lot like going home for Christmas. I let myself build up excessive anxiety on Tuesday night. There was an awful lot of I can't do this. And when I woke up on Wednesday morning ... after the stormit was just another day. I did a ton of work, I relaxed a little, and I made the best choices I could given the nearly two feet of snow outside.

*sigh*

As much as I wish sometimes this journey was smooth sailing, I'm grateful for the bumps. I'm very much an experiential learner, and so as hard as it is some days, I need these challenges and this time to work on figuring out how to make physical fitness a normal part of my regular routine, how to repair my relationship with food, and how to maintain a sense of balance in all areas of my life. I need to understand that plateaus can happen, and that they're only temporary. I have not fallen. I have not failed. I have gone to the gym and worked out as much as I could. I have chosen not to binge. I have eaten well, drank tons of water, and taken my daily multivitamin. I'm doing the best that I can, and that is certainly enough.

My biggest problem lately has been finding it hard to measure the emotional progress I've made since, like I said, I'm so focused on numbers still. So last night I decided to look back at some of my old blog posts to see any changes and get inspiration. I found this post where I had made a list of 25 reasons why I wanted to get healthy. I had seen a documentary where a woman had bariatric surgery and her doctor made her compile a similar list as part of her pre-surgery therapy; I gave myself five minutes and wrote down everything I could think of as fast as I could. Some examples:
To be able to walk into "normal" stores like Old Navy and buy a pair of jeans.

To feel more comfortable when traveling - planes, buses, trains, etc.

To be able to do things more comfortably - like shave my legs.

To not avoid friends because I'm ashamed of what I have allowed to happen to my body.

To prove that I can set a goal and stick to it.

To have more energy.

To sleep better.

To be able to run a mile - really run it - for the first time possibly ever.

To not get winded every time I climb stairs.
When I detach a little from my present self and try examine these past few months from an outside perspective, the changes I've made already become remarkable. I made the list only a few months ago, but look how much I have already accomplished! Losing over one hundred pounds is fantastic and has totally changed my life - but the weight loss isn't the only thing that has changed about me in the past six months. For me, at this point, redefining success is crucial, since the number on the scale is only one method of measuring that.

3 comments:

Amy said...

Amazing - I remember that post very well, it's when I started reading your blog regularly.

You've come so far in such a short time - and you really should be SO proud of yourself.

You should do a post with the sugar again, to see how far you've come with that too.

Ann said...

You have had SO MANY accomplishments and i'm so exited for all you've done, and all you will continue to do!!!

Anonymous said...

You've done amazing. Great job!