December 31, 2010

Roses and thorns

When I was young, my grandfather told my parents that he knew I would grow up to be wise. My dad asked how he knew, and my grandfather said that he saw me in a group of children, and while everyone else spoke, I sat there, very intently listening and just taking everything in.

I've done a lot of listening this week, and I've had a lot of chances to reflect on what I have seen, heard, and done. I'm very much looking forward to being back in Chicago on Monday night and getting back to regularly blogging by Tuesday or Wednesday. I miss blogging - in fact, I miss all my routines. I love my family very much and I love being in Connecticut, but I also really love sleeping in my own bed, and being independent, and eating vegetables that aren't drowning in butter.

To say I've been busy would be an understatement, yet it feels like I've accomplished very little. I feel like "busy" in Chicago and "busy" in Connecticut mean completely different things; on my own, I feel like I need to be constantly producing in some way, but here I feel like I am exhausted at the end of a day with no evidence to show that I did very much at all.

In brief:
  • Christmas was. It just was, I guess. A lot of build-up for a day or two. I made a great plan, I did not stick to my plan, I got back on track the next day. There have been a multitude of lessons learned, and I'll share them next week.
  • There was a pretty big snowstorm that ruined my plans with my college friends, which really upset me, especially after everything that happened with my best friend Jill these past few months. We've been talking, and we have decided to try having video chat dates a couple times a month - dinner or tea and catching up. I'm sad that things didn't work out and we couldn't hang out, but I remain hopeful and optimistic.
  • I've logged 30.25 miles for the Merry-thon, and I'm running my first official 5k tomorrow. I'm overwhelmed with a bizarre anxiety, a nervousness combined something I've come to identify as being a feeling I experience almost exclusively while I am in Connecticut. Again, something to be fleshed out in an entire blog post of its own. I'm going to do the best that I can, and know that no matter the outcome, you'll be hearing all about it!

I've been trying to keep up with reading blogs, and I've really enjoyed seeing people's reflections on 2010. I think my overall theme for 2010 was transition, because this was a year of big changes for me - passing my Master's exams and finishing school, getting my first grown-up full-time job, finally deciding to get healthy and losing eighty pounds. For 2011, I'd like to work on balance and consistency. I've done so much work with eating well and exercising that they have become like second nature to me; I feel confident enough to be able to sort of put those on auto-pilot when I get back to Chicago, in order to start focusing on more of my emotional weight loss issues. Being in Connecticut stirs up a lot of old insecurities, but I'm feeling quite ready to face those head-on when I get back into my own personal space and my usual routines.

And on that note, I'm off to start my day. I hope all is well with everyone! Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve! I'm looking forward to following everyone's journey well into 2011, and I feel very lucky to be sharing mine with all of you. I have fantastic intentions for this year, and I really can't wait for it all to unfold!