October 15, 2010

Roses and thorns

I'm ending this week in much better spirits than when it began. My weigh in for this week is considerably less remarkable than most have been for the past ten weeks, but I think that even more important than the number is the fact that I was so profoundly upset (despondent, even) after spending the first half of this week feeling lousy and unmotivated.

It was my stairathon weekend! I was supposed to hit my 50 pound loss this week! I had a plan, darn it! But instead, I spent the first half of the week feeling like I had hit a wall. I had great intentions on Tuesday after dropping Kate off at the airport: get right back on track. Instead, I went to work, came home, ate an unorganized dinner of whatever leftovers I could find, blogged, and went to bed. No walk. No Wii. It was awful. The next day, I woke up not necessarily in pain, but feeling uncomfortable. And I hated it. I thought I was past this - I thought I had "seen the light" and was never going to have awful mornings like this again.

I'm not sure where I saw it the other day, but I saw a blog the other day where the author posted something every day that she was grateful for. (I'm kicking myself for not saving the URL immediately, and if anyone might know, please share! Otherwise, I'll be cruising my Internet Explorer history tonight...) So, when waking up on Wednesday morning, I decided to do this as well. I had a small pink Moleskine notebook, and I've been making notes in it every day of things I am grateful for. Thursday, for example, I may have woken up an obese person, but at least I woke up. And after I woke up, I set out to do amazing things. I am so grateful that I have these opportunities in my life, that I am capable of achieving great things.

This week, one of those great things was starting over again, again. Stopping feeling sorry for myself and just getting up and going. Eating well. Taking walks. Doing the Wii. Drinking more water. Taking my vitamins. Rinsing and repeating. Within a day, I felt great again, and as of this morning, I'm ending my week with a one pound loss. It's not what I had hoped for, but it's still a loss, and I cannot possibly complain. If it were easy to lose weight, everyone would do it - there wouldn't be an obesity epidemic in this country. If everyone could start losing weight and achieve incredible losses every week, there would be no market for half the weight loss products out there - people could just hop on and off the wagon when they needed to. chicken little christmas ornament - a-dorable.I'm in this for the long haul, and some days it won't be easy. This was one of Those Weeks. I'm treating it as an educational experience, and education is never a waste.

All of my classes watched movies this week, which left me with a lot of time to think and write in my handwritten journal. As much as I love blogging, sometimes what I really need to do is put paper to pen and scratch out my frustration. I made a chart of every day when Kate was here, and wrote down what I ate and how much I exercised. Looking at it in retrospect, the food wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought. But the exercise was practically nothing. So I made a note to make sure my plan for Christmas gives equal weight to food *and* exercise, and I closed the notebook. This past weekend is over. I'm moving forward.

One of my brother's favorite Disney movies is "Chicken Little." It's actually pretty adorable, and I admit that I watch it every now and then when I'm feeling down. Everyone is making fun of this kid for thinking that the sky is falling, but every single day, he gets up and tries to change things. He often repeats his mantra to himself: Today is a new day. I'm trying to keep this in mind.


Amy said...

What a great post. It's so true. I wish I had the motivation you have. I've certainly had one of those weeks, and I am craving exercise, despite the fact that I'm unfortunately struggling to even keep my eyes open.
Each pound you lose puts you one step closer to your goal, and even if it seems far away... the end is in sight... you just have to keep going with each step! Even though sometimes the detours take us a little longer.
The grateful journal is a great idea. I am so excited to get my gratitude tattoo as soon as I meet my goal weight!

jayme @ Losing Half My Weight said...

the thankful blog is going around right now. the 2 i know of for sure are krissie's (aka 'questions for dessert') thankful blog (http://krissieisthankful.com/) and skinny emmie's thankful posts (http://thankful.skinnyemmie.com/).

Mary said...

Thanks, Jayme! It was totally Skinny Emmie, but I've bookmarked them both. I just thought, what a great idea!