October 13, 2010


Yesterday morning I brought my kid sister to the airport for her early morning flight, and then headed to the office. And let me just say, that twenty minute train ride to work was one of the longest of my life. Time seems to always feel longer when you have so much to think about.

It wasn't a complete failure of a weekend, but I still felt unsatisfied. I generally ate well ... no cupcakes, no soda, no mindless snacking, and two relatively okay restaurant meals. But it was so easy to forego exercise in favor of doing something else, and that kind of scares me. en route to the stairathon
I was so proud of my NSV a few weeks ago when I started to crave exercise more than binging junk food. But this weekend, exercising was the last thing on my mind. Even though I didn't eat nearly as much (or as poorly) as I used to, there was a lot of sitting around - we watched a movie one night, and then after the stairathon we took naps then went to the movies.

I thought I had it all figured out. I had stayed on track for ten weeks, I had created a system of success for myself, and I had a plan to stay focused during her visit. This was supposed to be the test for Christmas with my family, and it was supposed to be relatively easy - a new element thrown in, but still, I was in my comfort zone with my plan. Now, I'm reevaluating my plan for Christmas. I'm fully capable of maintaining success, I just need a more solid foundation than I had prepared for this time.

Part of the problem is that my weekends are almost always me running around doing errands and trying to keep busy so that I don't eat mindlessly. I asked Kate before she came out here what she would like to do, but she never made a plan. In case it isn't completely obvious, I need plans to function. I very rarely enjoy spontaneity - I have to be able to look ahead at what is going to happen and prepare myself for it. There was a lot of spontaneity this weekend, and it wreaked havoc on my brain.

Hopefully I will still manage a loss this week, but nothing like I have been experiencing for the past ten weeks. I'm disappointed, but not devastated. The good thing is that, unlike times in the past when I have started to veer off track, I'm not interested in throwing in the towel. baby katieIn the past, my mindset has always been "I've already slipped, why not free fall?" I'm not going to quit this time. I got right back on track yesterday, and participating in Twitter's FitBlog chat really helped me reclaim some of my lost steam.

So, for this week, I need to take my weigh-in in stride. This week was a learning experience. This is a journey, there will be bumps. I'm starting the Couch to 5k this week, and having a new challenge will help keep me on task. I'm also super close to hitting three major landmarks - my 50 pound loss, plus mini-goals #3 and 4 - so that is helping me refocus. I printed out the pictures I sent my mom (and posted here) last week where you can definitely see a change in my body shape and hung it up very visibly in my apartment. And I keep touching my shoulders and hips where I am starting to feel muscles firming up and I can detect the presence of bones - it's silly, but it's new to me, and I'm addicted to these simple measures of success. This is how I am feeling after ten weeks - I absolutely do not want to revert ... I want to stay strong and see what the next ten weeks bring!


Katie Warren said...

You can and you will stay strong! You have come so far =) just think of all the bones and changes you'll be seeing in 10 more weeks!

<3 Katie

Amy said...

I think being hard on yourself is not fair to you. You've done such an amazing job and come so far! We have to remember that within all of this we have to live a life too... and we can't always be on our A-game.
I'm sure you'll still lose weight this week!

I hope you had an amazing time with your sister :)

Jessica said...

Oh Mary- I wrote out this long comment and blogland ate it.

Basically, I was saying that you will be fine going through the holiday season. There are many bumps in this journey, but if you keep following the path you'll be fine. Don't forgo any holiday tradition your family might have, but work with it. If your family makes Christmas cookies, enjoy one or two, but then make sure you workout a little harder. Or find an alternate recipie to try. Enjoy a few holiday parties, but know that you will have to work off those extra calories.
It always bothers me to see friends "diet" through the holidays and skip out on holiday traditions only to make it a few weeks into January and binge out. If they had not denied themselves completely if might be easier to stick to it.
I try to follow my journey so that I am always in a maintain/lose mode. If I catch myself choosing too many treats or skiping out too many days of exercise I remind myself that this won't allow me to maintain or lose and that a gain is around the corner...and I can usually get back to where I need to be.

Don't worry about the holidays! You know what you need to do, and you will do it.