August 28, 2010

Don't stop me now

the view from my office - so dreamy
I'm in a wonderful place right now. And not just physically, although I always fall back in love with Chicago when the summer winds down and it's that perfect not-too-hot, not-too-cold temperature. (Check out that view from my office! Amazing.)

I'm starting week five of my new lifestyle changes, and I'm doing really well so far. I'm losing weight at a safe pace, getting more active, and learning so much. I've been watching documentaries about food and obesity, and I've been more careful about what I eat and drink. Some days are easier than others, but at the end of the day, I'm still very happy with the dropping numbers on the scale and would rather have that experience than the sick post-binge feeling.

I feel terrific - even if no one else can see the weight difference, I can feel it, and it's amazing. I'm so excited thinking about how great I feel after five weeks - and imagining how I'll feel in five more! I'm on an amazing self-esteem high right now, and while that sounds great, I'm actually kind of scared. In the past, this is about the time when I begin to falter. It gets tough, and surrendering feels (at least temporarily) so great. I've become discouraged due to the fact that, even though I feel so good, most people can't really notice a 5, 10, or even 20 pound change in my body. My generally optimistic nature does not apply itself to weight loss, and I've always been stuck in a glass-half-empty situation. Who cares about a ten pound loss? I still have two hundred to go!

This time is different. This time doesn't feel like any of the other times. I'm not starving myself. I'm not depriving myself. I know that what matters more than anything is not how other people think I look, but how I know I feel. I know that I have not failed if I don't walk one day or if I go out to a restaurant with friends and eat anything other than a glass of water and a few leaves of lettuce. I know that every loss maintained is a success, no matter how small. And this time I have you - all of you - here, cheering me on and sharing your stories. I'm so unbelievably grateful.

So, I'm attacking week #5 - head on, full force. I'm going to continue to eat well and in moderate amounts. I'm going to continue to walk every day and drink plenty of water. And I'm not going to let anyone stop me - not even myself!


Anonymous said...

That's the mindset you have to keep, because really, no one can stop you....but yourself! What a gorgeous view!

Jessica said...

*Cheers to you* You are doing great! and I know you will continue to do great!